My sister had played the piano for the assembly service that morning while I watched with my friends in the sea of sitting faces...She was very moral and self righteous for a young person her age. She would choose to sit outside the class room when the teachers would put Maguyver or ninjaturtles on. She was the type of ten year old who would create bookclubs where there weren't any and would shine her media badge religiously everymorning before she went with her perfectly packed suitcase to school. She was also the top of her class with every subject and had a certain regal way of walking with her thick glasses and that skinny frame that made people take notice. - the teachers would feel this sort of warm glow and fellow pupils would think malicious thoughts of chucking their soggy jam sandwiches at her.But she did have friends...they all came from the top table and would use big words and write secret letters to eachother with lemon juice so that the letter could only be deciphered once burned(this being technology way beyond my scope- glitter pens were my attempt at being special) and she was queen of all of them. They had their own flag, badges and oaths.

Me - on the other hand, I was a lot more relaxed with my approach to school and school work in general. To be honest I just didn't care, anyway it( schoolwork, music theory) was always done by my mom or sister so either way I didn't have to worry.I could always take anything I was having a problem dealing with to them and with a few pathetic sounds I would have them convinced I couldn't do it without them. I liked to drop my sisters name at the beginning of the the year with a new teacher I knew she had been taught by and watch as she mistakenly thought I would be the new star pupil. Only to be very disappointed after a day had gone by. I did that just for the admiring looks I got and the little introduction.
Everyone this is Wendy, her sister is a very good student and the star of the school. Hopefully she will be too. At which I would stand and smile serenely. Thinking - you wish.

How is Tracy by the way? I still miss her.She would then ask.At which I would make some satisfactory mono syllable reply.

A teacher came up to me that I didn't recognize one from another standard probably and started congratulate me on how well I had played for the assembly that morning...I thought it unwise to interrupt her( as she seemed so convinced). And didn't want to make her embarrassed so I said thankyou meaning to pass the compliment on to my sister. I did tell my sister but she didn't take the compliment as well as I had thought she would. But that was how it always was, people thinking I was her all the time. In a way I probably did her a favor - its hard to handle gushing teachers - something I knew I did very well. You had to make them think you were an angel. %)

I liked to play and breaks were a time when I was in my element, then I could just sit in the sun and tease my friends. I never got a hiding in school, though I did come close in Grade One.

Miss Buckle had told us she was leaving the class for a few moments and that no one should go to the door as, if we did there would be BIG trouble when she got back with Janbrunt( wooden spoon). So as the rest of the class group huddled at the other far end of the class by what seemed then great windows. A small party of 6year olds decided to make for the door just to look out and see just what it was we weren't supposed to. Now in Barberton Primary the boys wore grey and the girls navy blue and all the other grade one year olds that came with me to the door were wearing grey. Making me the only one in blue.
When Miss Buckle came back eventually after what seemed half of all our lives combined. And walked to her desk at the top of the class with a very hurt but resigned look on her face.
She said....What did I tell you not to do? Trying convincingly to look stern. And scary and intimidating.

Class chorus - Not go to the door Miss Buckle

What did I say would happen if you went to the door?

You and Janbrunt ( Wooden spoon)would come back Miss Buckllllle and there would be big trouble - minus one or two not so bright six year olds

Did anybody see who went to the door while I was away?

No Miss Bucklllllle

I am counting to ten and then you are all staying in for break.And thats final.

One

Two....

Three......

As the fate of the whole class hung in the balance two or three of the brave and gallant boys came forward and confessed to her, more coming forward till I was the only person who had been at the door and now wasn't at the front of the classroom.
I sat there in that classroom and for the first time wished I could become invisible. Trying to unnoticed, blend in with my chair but knowing not to push my luck. I knew I would just have to act as natural as possible even though my little heart was beating like a sun bird's. I knew that everyone knew that I had been at the door. And I didn't want to think about what it would be like to get a hiding from Miss Buckle and JanBrunt( the wooden spoon). But it was all I could think about.

JanBrunt

JanBrunt, JanBrunt, JanBrunt....Like a slide show over and over.

Is there anyone else who hasn't come forward? Miss Buckle enquired...
I recall seeing a bit of blue with the grey.

At which Susan( still don't really like her) suddenly piped up turning to look at me...Didn't you go too Wendy?As she smiled sweetly.
I felt my head involuntarily shaking and my lips saying...NO, no I didn't. Convincing myself of my innocence.I wanted to believe it so much in that moment too.

Before I could think I had told my first big lie. Immediately I was filled with this deep sense of remorse but I was gone...Taken by the flood I had created and there was no turning back.
And I watched, I watched as all the boys in turn cried out in pain as their hands were smacked...But I suffered more sitting there in my little chair nursing my growing secret.

Years later I saw Miss Buckle walking across the street and I thought to go and tell her about what had really happened and how it had been bothering me all this time but I didn't.

So Miss Buckle...If you're reading this. I'm sorry and I promise I wont do it again.

And please know that I always think of you when I wear blue.